typically.nl

So you have managed to score a date with a Nederlander or even a couple of them. A quest lies ahead: surviving the first encounter with these Nederthals who–alledgedly–only serve one cookie and shoo you out the door at 8PM.

This is only partially true.

The one cookie rule

You are bound to know the usual horror stories: when meeting Dutch people, most foreigners are shocked at the coldness or even rudeness. Quitessential example is the infamous ‘one cookie rule’ where guests are given one cookie with their coffee and nothing else.

Personally I do not know any Nederlanders who behave this way. I think it’s more an urban myth and not something that really happens (at least not in the 21st century). There is an element of truth in it, though. Some parts of Nederland have been shaped by the Protestant faith; known for its strict rules and no-frills approach to, well, life. In these communities, luxury is discouraged and having more than one cookie would be a big no-no. However, from personal experience, I have received nothing but kindness and generosity from even very strict Protestants. Obviously YMMV.

One thing is for certain: for more-or-less formal meetings you are expected to be on time. Five minutes late is OK (we’re not Japanese), ten minutes warrants an SMS and fifteen minutes or more is a dissapointment for the host(s). Make an effort to arrive on time. The better you know the hosts, the more it is permitted to arrive later. Among friends, there will usually be consensus as to who is the prototypical late-comer and that is fine. Some people are chronic like that in all cultures. Spontaneous meetings are a rarity; it is considered abnormal to just swing by. Likely you will be informed that it’s “not a good time” and you’ll be sent away! And there is really no way for me to talk this straight. It’s just our rude culture and I apologise in advance for any Nederlander doing this.

Dress down, not up

Outside of business meetings you are more at risk being overdressed than the other way around. Even when you don’t really know the hosts, casual wear is expected. This can be quite a disappointment for more formal cultures; even Americans can be shaken somewhat. It is quite normal for Nederlandse gastheren to wear shorts on a hot summer day and/or slippers on a terrace. Your best bet would be to look in the street how people are dressing in general: people at home will most likely not put on nicer clothes “just for you”.

Bring a gift. Almost all friends op visite bring at least a bottle of wine; personal gifts are even better. The wine (go for a reasonably cheap white) can be from the supermarket or gas station–do not go overboard with a 100-euro bottle. A cool book from your home country also makes a good gift, as is any other kind of obscure foreign item. A wrap is nice, but entirely optional as guests will often shove a gift into the host’s hands upon first sight. Every Dutch home has an abundance of vases, so flowers are possibly the safest bet. Luckily they are cheap and even the gas station variety are strong, colorful and luxurious. We don’t export the stuff for nothing, you know.

After the thankyous and introduction comes the most dreary part: the living room. Here is where Dutchness most often comes to the surface. If you are lucky, you are seated in front of the TV (possibly switched off) and left to simmer for a little while your hosts are busy doing …. stuff. If you are really lucky, you will be offered a drink. Grab that sucker because it might be the last gesture coming your way for a while. More often than not I have seen Nederlanders continuing doing their stuff long after the guest’s arrival. Heck I am guilty of this too. It’s all part of the “do normal” attitude (doe maar normaal, dan doe je al gek genoeg–remember that phrase). It does not mean you are unwelcome. On the contrary, it means you are accepted and considered part of the gang!

Coffee

Nederlanders know how to make a fierce cuppa java. For many decades the Douwe Egberts company has been producing very passable filtercoffee (with spaarzegeltjes of course!). Nederlandse users brew their black gold with a hefty amount of raw material. Americans will be shocked, although Italians will be shocked by the taste which comes from the cheaper beans (duh!). But overall there is a coffee culture for sure, although tea is completely normal too. Mind you, in Dutch homes you’ll be served English breakfast (black) tea without milk and with optional sweetener or sugar. Feel free to ask for a splash of milk. Sodas are readily available and anything stronger will be in stock as well. Back to coffee: since the nineties espresso has become more normal in Dutch homes and most urbanites will have one of those. Coffee is then most often always made with the espresso machine. A very popular mid-way solution is the Senseo machine; a big hit worldwide and invented right here.

Cookies, snacks and buh-bye

By the way, if you happen across a family that dares serve you one cookie, make sure to name ‘n shame them in the comments below. Most likely though the pack of cookies will be tossed on the table and can be pillaged to your heart’s content. A selection of chocolates will be around somewhere too; although it can be considered quite the gesture if you are offered these. After all, they are more expensive. Once the alcohol kicks in, hearty foods will be brought to the table including worstjes and cheese. Yes, we really eat Gouda and we eat a lot of it; more about our typical food in a later episode.

During weeknights your get-together will often be cut short around 10-11PM: there is work to be done after all. During weekends this time constraint is lifted and when it’s gezellig you can expect to be entertained until 1AM. Obviously, this all depends on the vibe. Goodbyes then are quick and streamlined. There is usually no drama and after kissing your host three times (left, right, left) you will be standing outside before you know it. Transportation home is then your business. And next time? Do it at your place since every single Nederlander keeps a running tally about who has hosted what where!