Before you ask, the bicycle situation in Amsterdam is a tad different from the rest of .nl. Bikes with racks, crates, child seats, sea containers and mobile homes attached are much more common. It makes sense in a city full of tiny streets lined with cobble stones. (It also makes sense ‘coz it’s cheap.)

Crate bike in Amsterdam

Since bikes are uniquitous, it makes sense they’re adorned with useful additions such as crates. I kid you not, people actually transport living pets in them, as well as more mundane items such as groceries. They also come in handy to transport your heavy-duty chain lock, required to safely store your bicycle on the street.

Another crate bike in Amsterdam

Crates come in all sorts and sizes, but invariably represent the owner’s personal style. Black plastic bakery crates are common; they cost a €5 deposit but are often “borrowed”. Any crate originally devised for transporting produce works great too. The black omafiets (grandma bicycle) above comes with a deluxe reed crate, but might be seen as a particular posh exception to the rule. Both photos were shot literally within 10 meters of each other. Can you imagine how many crate bikes roam the streets of Amsterdam every day?

You might be shocked to hear that almost every taxi in Nederland is clean, a Mercedes Benz and has a very capable driver. In 2000, the taxi system was liberated. No permit to ride a taxi was nessesary and prices were “free, but regulated” (maximum set by the governement). This quickly turned out to be a disaster.

Taxis (yes they're German, it's a stock pic)

Since no permit was required, anybody with a driver’s licence could call himself a cabbie, and many did. This led to market saturation, traffic jams in city centers, incapable drivers but strangely not to lower prices. The gov’ment adopted a laissez-faire attitude and things got ugly real quick. Especially in the bigger cities like Amsterdam and Rotterdam, where there would simply be too many taxis, drivers would fight to get a ride, jam up the street and take longer routes than needed.

Who knew that deregulation would lead to chaos? Still every few years, attempts are made in the public sector. Invariably they fail. Hmmm…

Reregulation

So after a while local governement got sufficiently fed up with the ‘deregulated taxi market’ that they invented a couple of rules of their own. You might call these rules ‘regulations’ but strictly speaking it’s something completely different you see.

A permit is no longer required, but a ‘token of good behaviour’ has taken its place. This token is not required to operate a taxi service, but as a driver, you need it in order to stand in one of the municipal taxi queues. See how that works? When the token gets revoked, you can still drive a taxi, just not pick up customers easily. Well, duh.

Hailing a cab

In cities, your best bet is always one of the large companies with easy to remember phone numbers. In Amsterdam it’s TCA, in Rotterdam RTC. Get ready for a sticker shock as the initial rate is now €7,50. This (admittedly steep) amount should last you the first 2 kilometers. Reputable drivers are allowed to drive on tram tracks, so that should speed up your journey (watch for a permit with traffic signs on the dashboard).

At your destination, pay cash. Taxis love cash. Cash is king. Did I mention you should pay in cash? (Some cabbies will allow credit cards though).

Outside the city

In smaller cities it’s more common to order a cab by phone. Dial the company, state your address and your desire to book a taxi. Other than that, it works the same as in cities. There’s taxis at Schiphol airport too, right outside the arrivals hall. Don’t pick the first one in line, but choose a branded one. You should expect to pay around €40 euros to get into Amsterdam. There’s also airport taxis that do the trip for a fixed fee. But when you arrive at Schiphol, you should really take a train. It costs next to nothing and gets you at your destination quicker. It’s a shorter walk from the terminal, even.

Difficult as it may be to comprehend, Amsterdam boasts a phenomenon called the plaskrul or “peeing curl”. This is a warped piece of metal in which men can take a pee. No, I am not making this up.

I have covered interesting peeing phenomena before and I am sure the peeing curl will not be the last.

As it stands, public bathrooms in .nl are a disaster. They are rare to find, and when you do, expensive and dirty. Most Nederlandse people will hold their pee or use one in a restaurant.. Yes, it is that bad.

A peeing curl in Amsterdam

There is one relief for men visiting Amsterdam though. This city has peeing curls, like the one pictured above. And with something named so graphically, there really is no need for me to go into detail.

Wait. Yes, there is.

As a man (I can’t stress this enough) when you feel a need to pee, you can enter one of the peeing curls. (The design is such, that it is quite noticable when the curl is in fact occupied. One of it’s flaws, you might say.) So, when vacant, you enter the curl by walking inside until you can go no further. Note that this step in itself might be difficult, since the curl at this point is most likely covered in pee, vomit, excrement and toilet paper. You think I am kidding? Ha!

So when you have crossed that threshold, you are free to unzip and relieve yourself through peeing. Usually there will be a slab of concrete and a tiny hole for the pee to drain into. You think I am kidding? Ha!

On a typical .nl day, the stench emanating from the curl is tolerable, provided you don’t linger for too long. But on a typical day is not in fact when the curls are used most often. This in fact happens most on hot summer days when lots of people are in town. You are free to guess what this does to the odors involved. Lucky for you, smell-by-internet-protocol is still a long ways off.

I am not sure what to make of the curls. The idea is brilliant, but the execution is frightening. The upshot is: in true phenomenon style, there are only ten curls or so in Amsterdam. So in a way you’d be lucky to stumble into even as much as three. But then again, there’s luck and there’s luck…

If there is something Nederlanders do, it’s building bridges. No wonder with a country that’s more water than land. And cities that have more canals than Venice! (Not sure if that is actually true, but it sounds dramatic.) And if you think having the longest bicycle-bridge in the world is outlandish, wait ’till you’ve seen one of the many bridges in the busiest highways.

I will cover Nederlands’ bridges more than once on this blog, but the two I have lined up for this episode are one of the most eye-catching stuff we have.

Bruggen van Amsterdam

Bridges over the Leidsegracht, Amsterdam

No, not in bruges, but in Amsterdam is where you will find the bridges you know from postcards. If you look at the picture above, that is just one snapshot I took earlier without paying much attention to what I was shooting. These brick bridges are everywhere in Amsterdam, and the best thing is that they are essential to life in the city.

The bridges connect all parts of Amsterdam and urban, every day life would be impossible without them. Cars, bicycles, trucks, tourists, it all crosses these bridges countless times every day. They are well-maintained, painted, cleaned and in daily use. I know what you’re thinking. How quaint! And that is exactly what it is. You could also say how gezellig they are. But you would be wrong. There is nothing gezellig about bridges, they are just there as part of the road. We need them to cross the enormous amounts of water we have.

The bicycle bridge

Nescio Bridge, the biggest bicycle bridge of the world, east of Amsterdam

A friend of mine showed me this little gem (above): the Nescio Brug, the longest bicycle-only bridge in the world (see this beautiful shot on Flickr). “Nescio”, Latin for “I don’t know”, was the pseudonym of the Dutch writer Jan Hendrik Frederik Grönloh, born June 22, 1882 in Amsterdam. You mount this little puppy on your bike and are given a wonderful view of the IJ lake and the IJburg residential development. Then back down where it’s a half-hour trip to the center of Amsterdam.

This part of .nl, although decidedly flat, can be starting point for many great bicycle rides through polders and former lakes, now dry and developed for farming. Green grass, blue skies and black/wite Friesland cows, this area between Amsterdam and, well, Germany boasts some of the most typical Dutch views you will ever find. Who said this country was boring? (I did.)

The view on the polders, and bridges in actual highways, will be covered in an upcoming post.

I am being a touch dramatic here, but not a whole lot. Amsterdam for instance, Nederland’s capital, has — count ‘em — three metro lines. With an additional line under construction. Why so few? Well, the city is quite small. But there is a second reason. Amsterdam has a huge amount of trams. And why build a metro when you have trams goddamnit!

These jewels of efficiency (note: sarcasm) run criss-cross through Amsterdams streets. Yes, when a truck is unloading, they are going to have to wait. And they occasionally run over people as well. But we’ve had trams for millennia so why change now?

Rotterdam has trams also, and even fewer metro lines. Other cities in Nederlands have trams, trams, trams and oh, buses as well (more on those in a later episode). So when you need to go some place in a major city, those are basically your options. Luckily, there is a national system to trams, and public transportation in general. It is called the strippenkaart.

Strip cards

You basically never buy a ticket inside the tram itself. You buy a strippenkaart – strip card – at magazine stands. These run €6,90 and have 15 strips that need to be stamped before you start your journey. Yes it’s fine if you get the stamp as soon as you walk in the tram. Always get one or run your strip card through a stamp machine, even in Amsterdam. For some reason the GBV people (public transportation company) has increased checks inside trams, especially on busy routes.

The logic behind strip cards is somewhat completely bizarre. The amount of strips depends on the length of your journey, which is somewhat understandable. But the distance varies and works with “zones”. For every zone boundary, you pay one strip. And you pay one strip to begin with. Still follow? Should you happen to live juuuuuust outside a zone, you’re basically screwed. Unless you get out one stop early and walk. Or do zwartrijden.

Ditching fare

Not paying for fare — zwartrijden — (literally black riding) used to be very common in the 80s and 90s. There were no toll booths and very few people checking tickets. For some reason, this has caught on with the authorities. Since then checks have gone up and zwartrijden has gone down. If you get caught, expect to pay a fine of €35. And an additional fine if you can’t produce picture ID.

But wait a second you say. No toll booths? Yep, that is correct. There are no toll booths in Nederland except for a metro in Rotterdam, where a new system called OV chipkaart is being tested. In true Nederlands tradition, this system is a complete mess. The card (like London’s Oyster) has been hacked, budget has been tripled, deadlines have been missed and there is no end in sight. It was supposed to have solved all of our public transportation troubles, but instead has added quite a few of it’s own. Introduction is now planned for 2010.

Back of the tram

Back to trams, or more specifically, the back of the tram. This is where you board this device. The conductor with her mighty stamp is located here. The very modern trams have their entrance one door more to the front, but still near the back of the tram. Approach the conductor, say how many zones and let her do her thing. You can also state your destination: s/he will stamp the correct number of strips for you. Stating the number of strippen itself is not the custom. State the number of zones (which is lower).

Should you not have purchased a strip card beforehand, you can get single-fare(ish) tickets at the conductor. You pay cash in euros, this means coins! The full price is €1,60 currently so it’s best to have something like that in change. A two euro coin works nicely. A ten euro bill is about the maximum you can get away with, 20 will work if you smile, and you can forget about paying with 50 or above.

The modern trams have electronic displays that state the upcoming stop and a neutral disembodied voice that shouts the stop’s names as well. Popular tourist destinations get a mention in English; expect Rijksmuseum to be pronounced something like ryeksmuseum. Sometimes the conductor will shout something incomprehensible. If you are truly lost, it does not hurt to ask her to give your stop a little extra love. Most of the time, she will remember. Just point your ears and have a look at the electronic display.

How does a typical Dutch bike look like? Pretty much like you would expect. The overwhelming majority rides a typical mens or womens bike. Mountain bikes are not that common, which would be expected for a country without mountains. Beach cruisers are a rarity except for Amsterdam (see below). Nobody wears a helmet. Let me repeat that. Nobody wears a helmet. You will be made fun of when you do. Children might be seen wearing one, but even that is quite uncommon. Luckily, car drivers are extremely aware of cyclists. They should, too, since people driving a car who hit a cyclist are always at fault; even when the cyclist is to blame.

Of course, there are many types of bicycle besides the common type. But this is primarily an Amsterdam situation. For instance, the bakfiets (lit: crate bike) is used by Amsterdammers to transport offspring. Not many people outside Amsterdam have one, though. People have racing bikes too, but these are seen outside cities and most often in the south of Holland, where actual hills can be found.

Amsterdam Bike Madness

As every tourist will tell you, you have bicycles and you have Amsterdam Bicycles. This latter species is often broken, bent, rusty but nevertheless has at least two heavy-duty chain locks. People in Amsterdam will just ride their bike everywhere: to work, going out, friends obviously, but also hauling furniture from Ikea, moving house and/or transportation of entire living rooms.

A tourist coming to Amsterdam will often mistake this behaviour for typically Dutch. That is not entirely the case. In other cities, people will have bikes as well but use them much less often. This might simply be because in other cities, stuff is farther away. Also, many inhabitants of Amsterdam simply do not have a car. And with the nonexistant Metro network (yay for sarcasm; Amsterdam has two metro lines) there isn’t much choice left.

Where do we ride our bikes? Quite simply: everywhere. Most often though there will be a cycling strip on the street, done in red asphalt. Bike lanes are depicted using the sign above. Mopeds are not allowed on this lane, you and the thousands of other cyclists have it all for yourself. In cities, traffic lights will have signs especially for bikes, often on a different schedule from the main lights. The newer versions have counters in them so you know exactly when to go. (See the picture at the top of this page.) In rural areas you simply follow the main traffic lights.

The art of riding

So how do you ride a bike? Well, first and foremost you never wear protection. Or did I already mention that? Second, you ride quite fast and straight towards your goal. Cycling is not a leisure activity and people will tend to ride quite fast. Third, when you arrive at your destination you park your bike as close to the door as humanly possible. Put it directly on the sidewalk. Yes, even when there are notices warning you against this. All Nederlanders do this and you should, too. Fourth, lock your bike. All bikes usually have a standard lock under the saddle. Use it because otherwise your bike will be gone. In Amsterdam, you then also chain your bike to something sturdy. You do not use a wimpy chain from the hardware store, you use a hardened steel cable, preferably also suited to dock oil tankers. Fifth, when (not if) your bike eventually gets stolen, you yell out loud: “Godverdddooooommmeee me fiets is gejat!!“. Then, visit the local AFAC to see if hasn’t been towed instead of stolen.

If after all this you are still interested in cycling, I really recommend you hire one during your next stay in Holland. Cycling is what we do; you will see soon enough that you have become one of us. Well, in theory anyway, since most rental companies have either hideous red bikes or hideous yellow bikes. Still, you will like the experience. Just make sure to stay to the right of the lane, don’t make sudden stops and when you hear a bell, turn around and/or get out of the way!

So, yes. You can in fact come to Amsterdam and buy pot. Not from some shady dealer, but from a shop with a front door and a PIN machine. For some reason unknown to me, these are called coffee shops. Some even sell coffee. All of ‘em sell weed, marihuana and pot (err wait, these are the same thing). And they sell space cake: cookies or cake baked with THC butter. THC is the active ingredient in marihuana.

This how it works. You gather the courage to walk into a coffee shop. Don’t worry, all staff speak English and see hundreds of customers every day, especially in the city center. Once inside you should see a price list fairly quickly. The various species of weed will be listed, from cheapest (often weakest) to most expensive. It goes without saying that the expensive stuff has the strongest effect. This might often be called “super skunk” or something catchy like that. You order a dose of your choice (“mag ik vijf gram super skunk alstublieft” / may I have five grams of super skunk please) and after paying you are done.

All of this is illegal according to Dutch law. Even so, it is allowed. This odd juxtaposition is called gedoogbeleid and appears to be typically .nl. Our governement acknowledges that (young) people wish to occasionally use marihuana, but is also forced to ‘ban’ the stuff according to European rules. So while legally not allowed, people can buy it just fine.

A few caveats though. You cannot buy more than 30 grams; this is the limit for what is considered personal use. You might like to know how the coffee shop is ever able to have more than this amount in stock, and this is indeed a puzzling affair. Somehow they manage though (wink wink *looks other way*). Also, you can be denied the stuff by the staff. You must be 18 years or older as well. And part of the whole deal is that coffee shops are not allowed to advertise their wares at all. And here we have the explanation as to why they’re called coffee shops. Calling it a marihuana shoppe would be illegal! And we can’t have any of that.

Once you have the little baggie in your posession, you either roll a joint in the coffee shop or put it in your purse. In any event you do not light up outside and puke and make us clean up after you. That is just gross. Believe it or not, someone smoking weed in public is a fairly rare occurance. Some Nederlanders do smoke grass, but they do it in private. You would do good to make it a private affair as well, especially considering that our weed is much, much stronger than any other weed you know.

In the early 21st century, the powers that be have become quite a bit oppressive towards the whole marihuana thing. It will probably never disappear, but more coffee shops are now closing than opening.