A true hate it or love it dish, nieuwe haring is not for everyone. This Dutch sashimi is a staple of our diet, and has been for many centuries. Nieuwe haring, also called maatjesharing and Hollandse Nieuwe, is herring from the Skagerrak (or thereabouts), conserved with salt and eaten with pickles.

That description alone can be quite enough for some viewers. Yep, raw fish indeed although the nastiest bits are removed on the fishing boat. Hollandse Nieuwe is then stored in small containers (vaatjes) and brought to shore. The first vaatje to land, some time in July, is traditionally auctioned off somewhere and it makes headline news.

Hollandse Nieuwe (herring) with pickles

The concoction has quite an -eh, shall I say intriguing, yes intriguing- aroma. Some folk like to top it off with raw onion, as if the scent isn’t overwhelming enough. Truth be told, haring tastes excellent, especially when enjoyed fresh from a stall (viskraam). It’s chock full of healthy omegas, too. Most often you would purchase them from the stall and eat the herring on the spot. You can either grab that sucker by the tail and lower it into your throat. Don’t worry, the head is chopped off. Usually though the vendor will dice the herring and give you a prikker (fork) to consume it.

The quitessential cow – the one in the photo below – is named after Friesland, one of Netherland’s most northern provinces. This breed was born here, then developed in the USA by Dutch farmers, and after a century or so returned to Netherlands. Friesland cows are the most productive cows in the world. They can produce up to 25 liters per day, which is about 6.5 gallons.

Moooh.

A big discussion in Netherlands right now is milk from cows that are outside, as opposed to cows who stay indoor all the time. Milk from “buitenkoeien” (ouside cows) is deemed more nutricious by some. As such, we now have a special brand of milk from outside cows. I am not so sure this milk is more nutricious, but who am I. In line with the outside-cow-movement is the organic movement. Like in many Western cultures, organic food is very modern. Our organic milk is certicified by an independent organisation, but overall organic milk is still a tiny part of all milk sold.

Cow’s names

A name like Bettie 23 is a typical cow’s name. They are named after their mother: Bettie 1 will have been the first female cow the farmer has bought, their first daughter will have been Bettie 2, and so on. Even their grand children will all be named Bettie. This way, the farmer can keep track of the best-performing breeds. As you would expect, the male cows are sold when they are still young, because they do not produce milk.

After a milk cow has lived her useful life, she is sold to the butcher and turned into minced beef. As far as the environment goes, Dutch minced beef (from old milk cows) is a very sane choice. More so since our cows are not fed pulverized meat.

Fun cows facts

Do cows sleep standing up?

No, they don’t. They sleep lying down. But when a cow is lying down she might be digesting her food. Cows only really sleep deeply for half an hour per day. At other times she is just dozing and producing milk.

Do cows bite?

They only chew grass, so they don’t “bite” in the way you and I do. In fact they have no front teeth in their upper jaw. They only have big molars for grinding the grass, and do not use their teeth to fend off predators.

Do the yellow ear marks hurt?

No, not at all. Even setting them does not hurt, it’s just like an earring.

What does a cow weigh?

A regular milk-giving cow weighs about 650 kilograms. An adult bull can weig up to 1000 kg (a metric ton).

Meeting and greeting Nederlanders is covered on a different page, but should you be invited to a Nederlandse birhday: fear not. They can be quite, shall we say, gezellig.

Today I am covering birthdays for grown-ups; children’s parties have an entirely different set of typicalities. All adult birthday celebrations start with an invitation, usually in person or over the phone. To accept, say “ja, gezellig”. Note the date in your calendar and show up reasonably on time.

What to give?

A gift is mandatory. What should you get? Contrary to many cultures, money does not make a bad gift in .nl. Sure it’s impersonal, but many people consider it appropriate when you don’t know the person very well. Make sure to put it in a nice little envelope though. Usually 10 or 20 euros will do fine.

Another safe gift is booze. A nice bottle of wine is most appropriate, but you can give it a personal swing and get a bottle of champagne, luxury beer or some other kind of liquor. A bottle from your home region is a very good idea, except Americans who consider giving American beer. Sorry folks, that’s just not good enough.

The more adventurous can give books or music or one of the many coupons we have: CD-bon, boekenbon, VVV-bon or any kind of store credit from national retail chains. It’s all good and most Dutch will genuinely like it.

Naturally, the best idea is to give something really personal. Dutch people love small gifts from abroad, either knicknacks or personal items. Your kids will want to draw a picture for the birthday boy or girl and even your presence alone is appreciated. Flowers are a good idea, too.

Birthday cake

Even grown ups eat birthday cake, but for people working outside home, this is usually a perogative shared with coworkers. It is quite customary for office workers to buy a cake or hearty treats on a birthday and share these at about 11AM. It’s too bad that presents from colleagues are often extremely forgettable though. If you’re lucky, you get an envelope with money. A card is usually signed by your close colleagues. Any leftovers are either left in the fridge at the office (and thrown away next day) or brought home.

The celebration

Those lucky enough to have their birthdays on the weekend (either Friday or Saturday) will usually throw a big party at home, after dinner. The most dreaded situation is this one: all chairs from the house in a circle in the living room. These events usually take place at older people’s birthdays. The younger the person celebrating, the more informal the occasion is going to be. There might be music, there might be people in various states of drunkenness, there will be small snacks and there will be drinks. Because the host is busy, you will often be left to yourself or to the other guests. It is considered good manners to introduce yourself and do the usual smalltalk.

Potato chips, always a success

It is not very common to celebrate a birthday with dinner, although this is starting to change. When not specified, the invitation is for a post-dinner gathering and people will expect you to have eaten. Snacks will be served though, and contrary to what you might think, often in abundance. Cheese and salami-type sausages are pretty much a given, as are potato chips. In urban environments you will find a selection of tapenades, olives, Turkish bread and other assorted multicultural snacks.

Drinks then? Yes please! There will be beer, and good beer at that. Heineken is just your every day pilsner from the supermarket. Better beers too, such as Palm are probably available. Wine then, yes, both white and red. And sodas. And water, flat or sparkling. And coffee. Yep, you will probably be fine.

Stroopwafels, literally syrup waffles, are made of two waffles (duh) with …. err you get the idea. They are produced in great amounts by small bakery shops and huge cookie factories alike. There are upscale versions but mostly stroopwafels are mass-produced, plastic-wrapped and supermarket-sold. These are all qualities a Dutchman likes since it means a low (i.e. “good”) price.

Kidding aside, stroopwafels are quite delicious and whenever I go abroad, I try to take a few packs with me since everybody loves them. Quite sweet, with a soft center and a crispy outside.

They usually come in packs of 10 and can be had for as little as €1,50 in budget supermarkets. Brand names are more expensive, but generally taste the same and are probably baked in the same factory anyway. A more classy version of the stroopwafel is produced fresh by small bakery shops. They are also sold in packs of 10, are fresher, but oddly this really doesn’t have a huge impact on the taste at all.

The upper end of the stroopwafel market is formed by street vendors who will bake the waffle on the spot and then fill it with the scorching hot sugary syrup. These vendors are most often found at markets: the famous Albert Cuyp market has one near the Van Woustraat. This is the best stroopwafel experience money can buy and often considerable lines will form in front of the stall. When you have the chance, I really do recommend you get one of these. It’s cheap, hot, absudly sweet and it seems universally liked.

Cheese is in every household in Nederland: it has been a very basic foodstuff for centuries. As you probably know, Nederland is one of the biggest dairy exporters on the planet. Our prototypical cows can be seen all across the country and supply a huge amount of milk daily (they’re inbred for their milk yield), supply manure for the crops and taste good as well (when grilled). It’s win-win-win, although they do produce a lot of methane.

Besides leaving the milk as-is or turning it into yoghurt we make cheese of it. Where the French have their Brie and Camembert, we have our Gouda. And just like the French cheeses, Gouda is named after a geographic area, a city in this case. You might think Gouda is a sort of open-air museum (especially if you’ve seen pictures of the cheese market) or some kind of industrial cheese factory. No, it’s nothing like that. Gouda is just a reasonably quiet city in the west of the country. Most cheese-making happens elsewhere, in the north of the country. Every part will have their own special variety, but all in all the Gouda type is pretty much the same.

It’s this Gouda (see pic above) that can be found in every refridgerator in Nederland. There are three basic varieties: jong (young), belegen (middle-aged) and oud (old). Young cheese tastes creamy, old cheese tastes hearty/salty. The really old stuff even has little crystals in it. In general, kids like young cheese better. Cheese can be bought in every supermarket and is often really cheap and really tasty.

Gouda deluxe

There are other varieties of Gouda as well; they are as common but not sold as much. There’s your boerenkaas (farmer’s cheese) which is made of raw milk instead of pasteurised milk and always comes directly from the farm. Boerenkaas is much tastier than normal Gouda and each brand is different. I am really not sure if it is safe for pregnant women or not; I have a hard time imagining anything from Nederland can be that dangerous, but it is made of raw milk after all. There’s also komijnenkaas: cheese with cummin seeds in it. Definitely an aquired taste, but still sold everywhere. There’s your goat’s cheese (white instead of yellow) and ‘luxury’ brands and low-fat cheeses with 20% fat contents. (Regular Gouda has up to 45%.)

All Gouda cheeses, when they are whole, are quite big, like a truck wheel. The cheese shop will cut these up for you on the spot. By some bizarre process, the salesperson invariably is able to cut off exactly the amount you wanted (or maybe 20 grams too much). Quite a feat considering young cheese is less dense and every kind of cheese is different in itself. You can also ask for the cheese to be sliced up (in plakjes). When you buy cheese from the supermarket, it’s already packaged in plastic; either whole or in slices.