A true hate it or love it dish, nieuwe haring is not for everyone. This Dutch sashimi is a staple of our diet, and has been for many centuries. Nieuwe haring, also called maatjesharing and Hollandse Nieuwe, is herring from the Skagerrak (or thereabouts), conserved with salt and eaten with pickles.

That description alone can be quite enough for some viewers. Yep, raw fish indeed although the nastiest bits are removed on the fishing boat. Hollandse Nieuwe is then stored in small containers (vaatjes) and brought to shore. The first vaatje to land, some time in July, is traditionally auctioned off somewhere and it makes headline news.

Hollandse Nieuwe (herring) with pickles

The concoction has quite an -eh, shall I say intriguing, yes intriguing- aroma. Some folk like to top it off with raw onion, as if the scent isn’t overwhelming enough. Truth be told, haring tastes excellent, especially when enjoyed fresh from a stall (viskraam). It’s chock full of healthy omegas, too. Most often you would purchase them from the stall and eat the herring on the spot. You can either grab that sucker by the tail and lower it into your throat. Don’t worry, the head is chopped off. Usually though the vendor will dice the herring and give you a prikker (fork) to consume it.

Meeting and greeting Nederlanders is covered on a different page, but should you be invited to a Nederlandse birhday: fear not. They can be quite, shall we say, gezellig.

Today I am covering birthdays for grown-ups; children’s parties have an entirely different set of typicalities. All adult birthday celebrations start with an invitation, usually in person or over the phone. To accept, say “ja, gezellig”. Note the date in your calendar and show up reasonably on time.

What to give?

A gift is mandatory. What should you get? Contrary to many cultures, money does not make a bad gift in .nl. Sure it’s impersonal, but many people consider it appropriate when you don’t know the person very well. Make sure to put it in a nice little envelope though. Usually 10 or 20 euros will do fine.

Another safe gift is booze. A nice bottle of wine is most appropriate, but you can give it a personal swing and get a bottle of champagne, luxury beer or some other kind of liquor. A bottle from your home region is a very good idea, except Americans who consider giving American beer. Sorry folks, that’s just not good enough.

The more adventurous can give books or music or one of the many coupons we have: CD-bon, boekenbon, VVV-bon or any kind of store credit from national retail chains. It’s all good and most Dutch will genuinely like it.

Naturally, the best idea is to give something really personal. Dutch people love small gifts from abroad, either knicknacks or personal items. Your kids will want to draw a picture for the birthday boy or girl and even your presence alone is appreciated. Flowers are a good idea, too.

Birthday cake

Even grown ups eat birthday cake, but for people working outside home, this is usually a perogative shared with coworkers. It is quite customary for office workers to buy a cake or hearty treats on a birthday and share these at about 11AM. It’s too bad that presents from colleagues are often extremely forgettable though. If you’re lucky, you get an envelope with money. A card is usually signed by your close colleagues. Any leftovers are either left in the fridge at the office (and thrown away next day) or brought home.

The celebration

Those lucky enough to have their birthdays on the weekend (either Friday or Saturday) will usually throw a big party at home, after dinner. The most dreaded situation is this one: all chairs from the house in a circle in the living room. These events usually take place at older people’s birthdays. The younger the person celebrating, the more informal the occasion is going to be. There might be music, there might be people in various states of drunkenness, there will be small snacks and there will be drinks. Because the host is busy, you will often be left to yourself or to the other guests. It is considered good manners to introduce yourself and do the usual smalltalk.

Potato chips, always a success

It is not very common to celebrate a birthday with dinner, although this is starting to change. When not specified, the invitation is for a post-dinner gathering and people will expect you to have eaten. Snacks will be served though, and contrary to what you might think, often in abundance. Cheese and salami-type sausages are pretty much a given, as are potato chips. In urban environments you will find a selection of tapenades, olives, Turkish bread and other assorted multicultural snacks.

Drinks then? Yes please! There will be beer, and good beer at that. Heineken is just your every day pilsner from the supermarket. Better beers too, such as Palm are probably available. Wine then, yes, both white and red. And sodas. And water, flat or sparkling. And coffee. Yep, you will probably be fine.

So it turns out that what you saw in Pulp Fiction (see below) is true after all. Yes we do eat our fries with mayo and darn it we like them that way! Our mayo is a little less sour than yours probably, but the idea is the same. Eggs, vinegar and oil in an emulsion, mjum!

When you order fries in snack places, what you will get resembles the stuff in the photo below (with the exception that this is a sign, but you get the idea). Thick, golden fries with mayo. If you’re lucky, in a pointy bag like this. They usually come in a styrofoam cup.

A sign showing Flemish Fries

What’s Flemish about that? 

Well for starters these fries are not made from potato powder/substitute, but from actual potatoes. They are twice fried, as opposed to their ‘chips’ brothers in the UK. Twice fried? Yep, the raw potato slices are fried initially at 160C, cooled off, then fried again at 180 to give them more crispiness. The initial phase is done in the morning, the second frying happens ‘on demand’. This is why it often takes a couple of minutes to prepare your frietjes.

What’s Flemish about this, is that this is how the Flemish do it (you know, Belgians).

Varieties

Frietjes usually come in two or three sizes. Klein (small), middel (medium) or groot (large). So far, so good. When you don’t specify, you will get them plain (but salted). If you want mayo on them, and believe me, you do, order them met (with). You do not have to add “mayo”, because that is assumed. (We usually say mayonaise though.)

You have your other toppings like ketchup, curry and uitjes (diced onions) as well. A frietje with mayo, ketchup and onions is called speciaal (special). You can also usually order satésaus (peanut sauce). A frietje with mayo and satésaus is called oorlog (war). Mind you, these all have regional varieties too, but speciaal and oorlog are understood throughout the country. In the southern parts, you can include stew meat with your fries by ordering zuurvlees. In the central and northern parts of .nl this is called stoofvlees.

We don’t eat picallilly with fries. Eew.