Before you ask, the bicycle situation in Amsterdam is a tad different from the rest of .nl. Bikes with racks, crates, child seats, sea containers and mobile homes attached are much more common. It makes sense in a city full of tiny streets lined with cobble stones. (It also makes sense ‘coz it’s cheap.)

Crate bike in Amsterdam

Since bikes are uniquitous, it makes sense they’re adorned with useful additions such as crates. I kid you not, people actually transport living pets in them, as well as more mundane items such as groceries. They also come in handy to transport your heavy-duty chain lock, required to safely store your bicycle on the street.

Another crate bike in Amsterdam

Crates come in all sorts and sizes, but invariably represent the owner’s personal style. Black plastic bakery crates are common; they cost a €5 deposit but are often “borrowed”. Any crate originally devised for transporting produce works great too. The black omafiets (grandma bicycle) above comes with a deluxe reed crate, but might be seen as a particular posh exception to the rule. Both photos were shot literally within 10 meters of each other. Can you imagine how many crate bikes roam the streets of Amsterdam every day?

You might be shocked to hear that almost every taxi in Nederland is clean, a Mercedes Benz and has a very capable driver. In 2000, the taxi system was liberated. No permit to ride a taxi was nessesary and prices were “free, but regulated” (maximum set by the governement). This quickly turned out to be a disaster.

Taxis (yes they're German, it's a stock pic)

Since no permit was required, anybody with a driver’s licence could call himself a cabbie, and many did. This led to market saturation, traffic jams in city centers, incapable drivers but strangely not to lower prices. The gov’ment adopted a laissez-faire attitude and things got ugly real quick. Especially in the bigger cities like Amsterdam and Rotterdam, where there would simply be too many taxis, drivers would fight to get a ride, jam up the street and take longer routes than needed.

Who knew that deregulation would lead to chaos? Still every few years, attempts are made in the public sector. Invariably they fail. Hmmm…

Reregulation

So after a while local governement got sufficiently fed up with the ‘deregulated taxi market’ that they invented a couple of rules of their own. You might call these rules ‘regulations’ but strictly speaking it’s something completely different you see.

A permit is no longer required, but a ‘token of good behaviour’ has taken its place. This token is not required to operate a taxi service, but as a driver, you need it in order to stand in one of the municipal taxi queues. See how that works? When the token gets revoked, you can still drive a taxi, just not pick up customers easily. Well, duh.

Hailing a cab

In cities, your best bet is always one of the large companies with easy to remember phone numbers. In Amsterdam it’s TCA, in Rotterdam RTC. Get ready for a sticker shock as the initial rate is now €7,50. This (admittedly steep) amount should last you the first 2 kilometers. Reputable drivers are allowed to drive on tram tracks, so that should speed up your journey (watch for a permit with traffic signs on the dashboard).

At your destination, pay cash. Taxis love cash. Cash is king. Did I mention you should pay in cash? (Some cabbies will allow credit cards though).

Outside the city

In smaller cities it’s more common to order a cab by phone. Dial the company, state your address and your desire to book a taxi. Other than that, it works the same as in cities. There’s taxis at Schiphol airport too, right outside the arrivals hall. Don’t pick the first one in line, but choose a branded one. You should expect to pay around €40 euros to get into Amsterdam. There’s also airport taxis that do the trip for a fixed fee. But when you arrive at Schiphol, you should really take a train. It costs next to nothing and gets you at your destination quicker. It’s a shorter walk from the terminal, even.

I am being a touch dramatic here, but not a whole lot. Amsterdam for instance, Nederland’s capital, has — count ‘em — three metro lines. With an additional line under construction. Why so few? Well, the city is quite small. But there is a second reason. Amsterdam has a huge amount of trams. And why build a metro when you have trams goddamnit!

These jewels of efficiency (note: sarcasm) run criss-cross through Amsterdams streets. Yes, when a truck is unloading, they are going to have to wait. And they occasionally run over people as well. But we’ve had trams for millennia so why change now?

Rotterdam has trams also, and even fewer metro lines. Other cities in Nederlands have trams, trams, trams and oh, buses as well (more on those in a later episode). So when you need to go some place in a major city, those are basically your options. Luckily, there is a national system to trams, and public transportation in general. It is called the strippenkaart.

Strip cards

You basically never buy a ticket inside the tram itself. You buy a strippenkaart – strip card – at magazine stands. These run €6,90 and have 15 strips that need to be stamped before you start your journey. Yes it’s fine if you get the stamp as soon as you walk in the tram. Always get one or run your strip card through a stamp machine, even in Amsterdam. For some reason the GBV people (public transportation company) has increased checks inside trams, especially on busy routes.

The logic behind strip cards is somewhat completely bizarre. The amount of strips depends on the length of your journey, which is somewhat understandable. But the distance varies and works with “zones”. For every zone boundary, you pay one strip. And you pay one strip to begin with. Still follow? Should you happen to live juuuuuust outside a zone, you’re basically screwed. Unless you get out one stop early and walk. Or do zwartrijden.

Ditching fare

Not paying for fare — zwartrijden — (literally black riding) used to be very common in the 80s and 90s. There were no toll booths and very few people checking tickets. For some reason, this has caught on with the authorities. Since then checks have gone up and zwartrijden has gone down. If you get caught, expect to pay a fine of €35. And an additional fine if you can’t produce picture ID.

But wait a second you say. No toll booths? Yep, that is correct. There are no toll booths in Nederland except for a metro in Rotterdam, where a new system called OV chipkaart is being tested. In true Nederlands tradition, this system is a complete mess. The card (like London’s Oyster) has been hacked, budget has been tripled, deadlines have been missed and there is no end in sight. It was supposed to have solved all of our public transportation troubles, but instead has added quite a few of it’s own. Introduction is now planned for 2010.

Back of the tram

Back to trams, or more specifically, the back of the tram. This is where you board this device. The conductor with her mighty stamp is located here. The very modern trams have their entrance one door more to the front, but still near the back of the tram. Approach the conductor, say how many zones and let her do her thing. You can also state your destination: s/he will stamp the correct number of strips for you. Stating the number of strippen itself is not the custom. State the number of zones (which is lower).

Should you not have purchased a strip card beforehand, you can get single-fare(ish) tickets at the conductor. You pay cash in euros, this means coins! The full price is €1,60 currently so it’s best to have something like that in change. A two euro coin works nicely. A ten euro bill is about the maximum you can get away with, 20 will work if you smile, and you can forget about paying with 50 or above.

The modern trams have electronic displays that state the upcoming stop and a neutral disembodied voice that shouts the stop’s names as well. Popular tourist destinations get a mention in English; expect Rijksmuseum to be pronounced something like ryeksmuseum. Sometimes the conductor will shout something incomprehensible. If you are truly lost, it does not hurt to ask her to give your stop a little extra love. Most of the time, she will remember. Just point your ears and have a look at the electronic display.

How does a typical Dutch bike look like? Pretty much like you would expect. The overwhelming majority rides a typical mens or womens bike. Mountain bikes are not that common, which would be expected for a country without mountains. Beach cruisers are a rarity except for Amsterdam (see below). Nobody wears a helmet. Let me repeat that. Nobody wears a helmet. You will be made fun of when you do. Children might be seen wearing one, but even that is quite uncommon. Luckily, car drivers are extremely aware of cyclists. They should, too, since people driving a car who hit a cyclist are always at fault; even when the cyclist is to blame.

Of course, there are many types of bicycle besides the common type. But this is primarily an Amsterdam situation. For instance, the bakfiets (lit: crate bike) is used by Amsterdammers to transport offspring. Not many people outside Amsterdam have one, though. People have racing bikes too, but these are seen outside cities and most often in the south of Holland, where actual hills can be found.

Amsterdam Bike Madness

As every tourist will tell you, you have bicycles and you have Amsterdam Bicycles. This latter species is often broken, bent, rusty but nevertheless has at least two heavy-duty chain locks. People in Amsterdam will just ride their bike everywhere: to work, going out, friends obviously, but also hauling furniture from Ikea, moving house and/or transportation of entire living rooms.

A tourist coming to Amsterdam will often mistake this behaviour for typically Dutch. That is not entirely the case. In other cities, people will have bikes as well but use them much less often. This might simply be because in other cities, stuff is farther away. Also, many inhabitants of Amsterdam simply do not have a car. And with the nonexistant Metro network (yay for sarcasm; Amsterdam has two metro lines) there isn’t much choice left.

Where do we ride our bikes? Quite simply: everywhere. Most often though there will be a cycling strip on the street, done in red asphalt. Bike lanes are depicted using the sign above. Mopeds are not allowed on this lane, you and the thousands of other cyclists have it all for yourself. In cities, traffic lights will have signs especially for bikes, often on a different schedule from the main lights. The newer versions have counters in them so you know exactly when to go. (See the picture at the top of this page.) In rural areas you simply follow the main traffic lights.

The art of riding

So how do you ride a bike? Well, first and foremost you never wear protection. Or did I already mention that? Second, you ride quite fast and straight towards your goal. Cycling is not a leisure activity and people will tend to ride quite fast. Third, when you arrive at your destination you park your bike as close to the door as humanly possible. Put it directly on the sidewalk. Yes, even when there are notices warning you against this. All Nederlanders do this and you should, too. Fourth, lock your bike. All bikes usually have a standard lock under the saddle. Use it because otherwise your bike will be gone. In Amsterdam, you then also chain your bike to something sturdy. You do not use a wimpy chain from the hardware store, you use a hardened steel cable, preferably also suited to dock oil tankers. Fifth, when (not if) your bike eventually gets stolen, you yell out loud: “Godverdddooooommmeee me fiets is gejat!!“. Then, visit the local AFAC to see if hasn’t been towed instead of stolen.

If after all this you are still interested in cycling, I really recommend you hire one during your next stay in Holland. Cycling is what we do; you will see soon enough that you have become one of us. Well, in theory anyway, since most rental companies have either hideous red bikes or hideous yellow bikes. Still, you will like the experience. Just make sure to stay to the right of the lane, don’t make sudden stops and when you hear a bell, turn around and/or get out of the way!

Most Dutch trains are operated by Nederlandse Spoorwegen. They used to be a government service, but were half-way privatized in the nineties. What this means is that they were split in half: a division selling tickets and operating trains, and a division maintaining the tracks (ProRail). The idea is/was that a privatized company would be able to cut costs and run more efficiently than a state-owned service.

This idea worked to a certain extent. Around the beginning of the millenniunm, service was abysmal. Trains would be too late by default and the two divisions would point blame at each other. There was even a time where trains alledgedly could not run because of autumn leaves. In recent years this has changed. More trains are now in operation, especially in the center of the country, and they are often on time. How does travelling by train work?

Buying a ticket

Your first instinct might be to purchase a ticket at the counter of a station. You might be in for a surprise, since smaller stations have no ticket office any longer, and even large stations have just a few. If I recall correctly, the largest station Utrecht Centraal has about five counters. These are not for buying tickets, as you’d have imagined. They are for “service” (whatever that means). You buy your ticket at a vending machine, which are everywhere.

You need to have this ticket prior to boarding the train. As far as tickets go, you have the obvious choices: first class, second class and one-way/two-way. You can also get day-tickets at the machine, and round trips. Discount options are available too, although the most interesting option is for Dutch people only. With a ‘voordeelurenkaart’ you get 40% off during non-peak hours. The other options are day- or weektickets with unlimited travel. Small children travel free; bigger children have their own discounted ticket called Railrunner.

It used to be that you could buy tickets in the train with the conductor. This is no longer the case: they will happily sell you a ticket but a fine of €35 is included as well. With an additional €50 if you cannot show picture ID. Booyaa!

Teh speedie

Various types of trains cross the country. Between large cities ride Intercities (yep, the English word is used). These only stop at big stations and go reasonably fast: 130 kph. These are often quite spacious, long and actually comfy. A train that makes more stops is called a sneltrein (“fast train“); this type doesn’t stop at the tinyest stations, but is otherwise pretty slow. You never take a sneltrein if there is an intercity service to your destination as well. Then at the bottom of the food chain is a stoptrein. This one stops at all stations. You definitely dont want to take one of these if you can avoid it. On the other hand, they do lend themselves to a taking quiet nap.

No train has catering these days. Students will walk intercities with a tank of coffee on their backs. The stuff is fine for instant coffee, but otherwise nothing special. Gypsies playing music and homeless people are not allowed in the trains; they are fairly rare now but you will most often meet them between stations Amsterdam Amstel and Duivendrecht (seems to be safest for them). Other forms of entertainment are people calling on their mobile and the latest craze: loud music from a phone or iPod with speakers.

Once the conductor comes, you present your ticket. She puts a stamp on it and you’re done. Sometimes, teams of people will do routine checks about what types of tickets are travelling the train. You show them your ticket, but they don’t stamp it–they just mark the type you have in a hand held computer.